The Story Your Mind Tells: Generalization, Deletion & Distortion
Bekah and I recently recorded a podcast, and one idea that came up absolutely fascinated me.
She shared that when we take in information, our brains tend to do one of three things with it:
we generalize it, delete parts of it, or distort it.
The moment I heard this, it immediately resonated - not only with my own experience, but with the way I see people in relationship with one another.
I instantly thought of moments with my children, my spouse, past relationships, and even clients.
How often do we say one thing, and the other person hears something completely different?
How often do we walk away from a conversation convinced someone meant something they never actually said?
How often do we turn one difficult moment into a story about everything?
Many listeners also grabbed onto this concept and wanted to know more.
If you haven’t listened to the podcast yet, Bekah and I would love for you to tune in and let us know what resonates. And if it speaks to you, please share it with a friend.
Your Brain Is Always Editing Reality
The truth is, our brains are constantly filtering information.
There is simply too much sensory input, too much emotion, and too much data coming at us all day long.
So the brain simplifies.
It creates a quicker, more manageable version of reality through three filters:
Deletion
Distortion
Generalization
These shortcuts are not “bad.” In fact, they help us function.
But when we are unaware of them, they can create:
anxiety
miscommunication
black-and-white thinking
relationship conflict
limiting beliefs
fixed stories that feel true but may not actually be true
In other words:
we stop responding to reality and start responding to the story our mind created about reality.
And this is where so much suffering begins.
1) Deletion: When the Mind Leaves Pieces Out
Deletion happens when your brain filters out part of the information and only lets certain details in.
This can happen in very ordinary ways.
For example:
Your partner tells you five beautiful things they appreciate about you and one area where they’d love more support.
Hours later, all you can think about is the one criticism.
Your mind deleted the rest.
Or maybe your teenager rolls their eyes once, and suddenly that’s all you can see, while deleting the fact that they also hugged you goodbye that morning.
Deletion can also happen as protection.
Sometimes the mind keeps certain memories, emotions, or details out of conscious awareness because at one point it felt safer not to fully feel them.
This is one reason why two people can walk away from the exact same conversation with completely different memories of what happened.
A question I often ask myself here is:
What might I be leaving out? What else is also true?
That simple pause can be incredibly healing.
2) Distortion: When Meaning Gets Added
Distortion happens when the mind takes information and adds meaning that may or may not actually be there.
This one is so common in relationships.
A simple example:
Your spouse forgets to text back.
The fact:they didn’t text back.
The distortion:
They don’t care about me.I’m not important.Something is wrong.
Nothing in reality actually confirmed that.
The mind created the meaning.
Distortion is also what fuels mind-reading, catastrophic thinking, and assumptions.
But here’s the beautiful part:
distortion is also the birthplace of imagination.
It’s what allows an artist to see possibility in a blank canvas.
It’s what allows us to envision a future that does not yet exist.
It’s what helps us imagine healing, growth, and a different life.
So distortion is not the enemy.
The key is learning to notice:
Am I imagining possibility? or Am I imagining fear?
3) Generalization: When One Moment Becomes the Whole Story
Generalization is when we take one experience and apply it to everything.
This is where words like these begin to take over:
always
never
everyone
no one
I can’t
this always happens
nothing ever changes
A few examples:
One hard conversation becomes: “We can never talk without fighting.”
One rejection becomes: “Nobody wants me.”
One failed attempt becomes: “I’m just not disciplined.”
One bad relationship becomes: “Love never works for me.”
Can you feel how quickly the mind turns a single moment into an identity?
This is where limiting beliefs are born.
One painful experience gets repeated enough times in the mind that it starts to feel like truth.
But it was only ever one moment, one season, one story.
Why This Matters So Much
This is why awareness matters.
The brain is constantly trying to help us by simplifying reality, but without awareness, these shortcuts can quietly become the beliefs that run our lives.
We stop seeing what is and start living inside what we assume.
And from there:
relationships suffer
anxiety grows
confidence shrinks
black-and-white thinking deepens
healing feels impossible
The invitation is not to judge the mind.
The invitation is simply to become curious.
The next time you feel activated, misunderstood, rejected, or certain of a story, ask yourself:
Am I deleting part of the picture?
Am I distorting the meaning?
Am I generalizing one moment into my whole life?
That one pause can create space.
And in that space, you regain your power to choose a new thought, a new response, and ultimately a new story.
This is how we begin shifting from limiting beliefs into liberating beliefs.
Want to Go Deeper?
If you’re reading this and thinking,
“this is exactly what I do…”
you’re not alone.
And more importantly — you don’t have to navigate it alone either.
The Wise Inner Circle is a space where this work continues.
Where you can slow down, get curious about your patterns, and begin shifting them with guidance, support, and community.
Because these stories didn’t form overnight —
and they don’t change overnight either.
But with the right space… they do change.
